Wide Open

Too much happiness. Too much pain.
You can never have everything.
So many disappointments.
Better to not have anything at all.

How depressing it is to think that,
I am overwhelmed by the negativity that surrounds me.

The efforts I make on being pretentious,
when things have never been different.

Vindictive and disdained, seems at a loss
No sense of direction, or purpose at the most

Vagueness and transparency, oh the irony.

Should I stay or should I go?
Should I deprive myself of happiness.
Wallow in misery?
So I can feel the need of empathy?

A simple play on words, and on life
To live in ambiguity, is to feel alive
For change is the only thing that is constant..

Optimism has never been auspicious.
To be an antagonist to oneself, has been what I am.
And as I walk past through the crowd,
I constrain myself from conformity and decadence.

When everything seemingly looks simple, it all becomes very complicated.

Random Blabbers

I watched idly as time passed by. With me just staying at home. Itching to go out but something's holding me back. Laziness. Yes folks, I am in fact lazy when in bed. My mind wanders of million miles away yet my body stays glued to the sheets of my bed.

I try not to think about work, since I'm supposed to be resting.

I can't help but count the hours, the minutes and the seconds that go by for me to back at the office. I still have one more day to TRY and relax.

Big dreams. Material stuff. Happiness. Wholeness.
With days of not doing anything productive, I haven't found the answer to most of my needs yet.

In time, I know I will have many, I'd be where I want to be. Whether it be in a stress-induced environment or out in the wilderness.

I'll keep in mind though that I should be out of the city limits when on leave.

How to install Love

How to Install LOVE

Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install
Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ?

Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge
and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt
from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High
Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and
Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get
the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error
- Program not run on external components.” What should I do?

Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before
you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all
directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely
gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed
and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure
to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in
turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

Muffled Monday

If this was possible, they'd be all out of employees.

The Peaceful Warrior

I have just finished watching The Peaceful Warrior.

Synopsis:
Dan Millman (Scott Mechlowicz) is a college gymnast with Olympic dreams who's world is turned upside down when he meets a mysterious stranger called Socrates (Nick Nolte). Socrates holds the power to tap into new worlds of strength and understanding. After a serious injury, with the help of Socrates and an elusive young woman named Joy (Amy Smart), Dan discovers he has much to learn and even more to leave behind before he can become a peaceful warrior and find his destiny.

courtesy of Moviefone

My friend suggested I watch film, saying it might enlighten me or something.
Well, first of all before you guys start downloading or purchasing a copy online, mind you this is not a movie for everyone.
But if you look past the exterior and listen to each line said then you'd understand the depth of what this film is all about.
I won't exactly dish out the details here about the movie. All I'd like to share is that this movie will refresh your mind about what the difference about wisdom and knowledge is. Release your inner inhibitions.

In other news, I found something quite strange.
I've just checked my Friendster account and noticed the number of people who has recently viewed me has increased.
When I visited some of their profiles, it seemed as if they were newly registered accounts. Each with different name and all that.
Containing only one different picture (which btw, happens to look as if they were just copied off from the internet from someone else's account) from each profile's album.
Now, I don't really care who views my profile since it's private anyway therefore insufficient access to my info and stuff.) Nor do I think this is a big deal.
I just wanted to take this time to write something out of nothing. Well, technically not nothing but of something that appeared quite odd.
Facebook is still better than FS, that's for sure.

Out Cold

I never got to see the fight as it was aired. I slept through the entire show.
Good thing they aired it again last night. With only 2 rounds, Britain's Hatton was knocked out cold with a quick left hook from Pacquiao.
It was so fast it had about 10 replays, or more I kind of lost count.
Hatton seemed kind of cocky, serves him right. With his countrymen booing, taunting and mocking other Filipinos watching along with them in the arena, they got creamed well enough to shut them up.
Although I was kind of looking forward for more rounds of Pacquiao's cleverly-induced punches on Hatton. Seemed that Hatton didn't have enough cockiness in him to withstand Pacquiao's left hook when he was wide open as he tried to counter-attack when he thought Pacquiao was about to fall for his first move.
You'll notice, in the fight, that Hatton was somehow using all his resources to slow down Pacquiao. Trapping Pacman's elbow and arms in between his while throwing cheat punches at him.
Serves him right.

Swirls

What do you make of an old soul dying..
Is it enough to say that it has lived out its last?
Minutes, days, months and years of life filled with questions
Most of them have been left unanswered..

What do you see beyond a horizon..
When night and day takes a peek into our world..

Should it be any wonder why we try to seek satisfaction
Endlessly through a fast-paced life
And when all has been left to be a puzzle..
What do we make of this then..

Transition

In a couple of days, I will no longer be the normal person (as I claim to be) that you know today.
Our schedule, team name and all of that has now changed. And we are going to be transferred to night shift. 9PM to be exact.
I'm finding it difficult to deal with the team I'm with right now. They get dumber by the minute, well some of them that is.
I may be a little unfair since some of them are still new to the job but still, I don't know how some of them passed communication skills training.
I think they need re-training. But who cares what I think, right?
Anyway, they bore me to death. That's why I'm finding ways of having myself transferred to a different team with a different shift. Perhaps 2am or 4am.
The sad part about that would be not being with my parfait, but she understands why I'd want to transfer anyway. Aside from isolating myself from annoying newbies
and unfathomable grammar, the pay's better with my preferred shift.

Segwey to family issues.
My Aunt just died last night. I came home from our Badminton Semi-Finals at work and I came across my mom who was on her way to the hospital because they received news about her sister passing away.
She told me to go home right away to accompany my cousin, who's still a kid, alone at our house (we live in one house).
That stupid pedicab driver even saw my mom crying and didn't even budge, still waiting for other passengers. As I got home, I saw him crying. Telling me about how his mother seemed okay hours before she had passed away.
It must have been too great of a pain that my aunt had simply given up hope of recovery. Too much dialysis had weakened her body. I know it will take time for the family to heal but I can't seem to share the same emotion as what they have.
Although I do understand the gravity of the situation, still I can't force myself to feel pain, depression and grief (though, in most cases it does come naturally without cause).
I'll miss her. Her wacky personality. Being head of the infection control committee of one of the prestigious hospitals here in Davao, you'd be surprised.

And how about me? Am I alright?
I can't answer that. I'm caught in between work, play and family responsibilities. And all of this has made me numb. Perhaps not too numb, but a little bit overwhelmed that I can't express myself. Just a blank face. As if there was a void in my hypothalamus.

Til next update.

S.O.S

This is my shameless confession of losing faith. I am at the point of being scared.
Scared that I might stray away from my religion. I am in need of spiritual guidance.
But my being stubborn is stopping me from letting wisdom in.

A lot of people has been trying to reach out and share what they know and their experiences.
I've been invited to many fellowships. Although, I inform them up ahead that accepting their invitation won't be a sign nor a promise of commitment.
But I've never been really that comfortable dealing with people talking about God that's not in line with the Catholic Church.
At the back of my mind, I feel that people from these fellowships seem to be claiming something else.
No, I'm not stating that the Catholic Church has the only true path towards God and His Kingdom.
I'm just saying that a lot of these groups have been sprouting everywhere. So my belief is faltering.
That would also explain why I can't put my heart into prayers.

Perhaps I've been too discriminating. Perhaps I'm not as open as what I would want myself to believe.

So you ask when my faith had started to waver.
It was at a certain class. We were asked to prepare a provocative speech.
Mine was all about believing in God even though He is not physically present.
I had classmates who were very religious in that same class but they had nill on me.
I think they got too overwhelmed by the fact that I dared to challenge their own beliefs that in their defense, it failed to back up their knowledge about their religion.
Add to that I was one of the two people in class who won the challenge.
I had no intention of being serious about what I had prepare on the spot, but it dragged on til today.

As you can tell, I still acknowledge the fact that there is a higher power.
It may just be perhaps that I've watched too many movies, read too many books and heard too many incovenient truths that whatever had been taught and instilled in me, never really got through.

I find myself helpless that I can't seem to push aside another part of me insisting that I don't need to reestablish my faith in God.
I sense that something is about to go real wrong and I might be put to the test, something I could drown into. Losing myself.
That's why I want to take action. Thus the post about a call for help.

Help.

Thought of the day

I have been feeling a bit under the weather lately. Not emotionally, but physically.
I've been diagnosed with benign positional vertigo. Something that I've ignored most of the time.
This would explain why I couldn't turn my head sideways whenever I walk.
It was a good thing that I got to ask a doctor of related profession what I've been going through for quite some time.

So comes in costly medicines that I have to take on a daily basis. But the odd thing about it is that it somehow makes me more nauseous.
Please cross out the idea of me being a mom, that's totally out of the question here.

Our company physician has recommended that I take 4 days off from work, add to that my scheduled 2 days off.
So that would mean I'd be stuck at home for 6 days. I must admit that this will take the load off my back, having to work 5-6 days a week talking to people with most of them having comprehension disabilities.
But the fact that I'd be disappointing my team captain about my condition, about not helping our team stats at all.
I am quite aware of my performance and I want to make it to the point of maintaining an excellent performance-based grade.
But how can I be effective if I can't hear that well? If I feel nauseous everytime.
I have set a goal that seems to be within reach now, but with my health condition, it might be a big obstacle I would have to either endure or sink in to.

It's just that, instead of having to worry about nothing else for a week. I'd be stuck staring at the ceiling or at a corner thinking about how disappointing my stat is. And of how I feel I've disappointed my team captain.
Makes me feel guilty of being sick.

It just doesn't feel right.

Oh what to do.

And so she returns..

And so she returns from a month-long hiatus.

It's been weeks since my last post. I'm beginning to think my bloggie here's sulking. I can't say for now if I'm back to blogging on a daily basis but I'll be updating. As what I'd usually do.

And what am I doing up so early in the morning? 

Have I felt so guilty about letting cobwebs lurk all over the place?

The truth is, I woke up thinking that we were supposed to be working on our rest day and I thought to myself that if I came in early I could log out early too. Good thing I sent an sms to my team captain that she reminded me that it was my regular schedule today since I had someone to swap temporary schedules with for this week. Talk about dopiness.

Maybe, as what my mother said, I got too excited to wear my new shirt that I wanted to go to work that early. Oh well. Rather than going back to sleep and taking back the energy from my body, I'll just surf around the net for a while.

Oh, I recently downloaded movies that I truly enjoyed. And if you're interested on downloading the latest movie there is in the market without being fooled about it being fake or a bad copy then go to this site: ExtraTorrent. I strongly sugg

est you read the comments before downloading so you'll know the rating of each movie by people who had already downloaded and watched them.

One of the movies I downloaded was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. 

A story about a man who ages backwards. Born an old man (in the body of an infant) and dies as a beautiful baby boy (going back to the body an infant). The heavily CGI-ed movie is quite impressive. I'm not exactly a fan of Brad Pitt, because everytime I hear or see a movie of his it makes me think that he's only getting good reviews because he's good looking. But in this movie he seems somewhat charming, in the sense that it's not too overwhelming but just enough to get you interested about how he's going to look aging younger every 2 years. Isn't it a bit weird? Talking about aging younger. I won't be dishing out details here, wouldn't want to spoil ya. But if you've got nothing better to do, watch this movie and better have chips while you're at it.

Another movie I downloaded was The Love of Siam. 

I saw this at a local mall, flashing scenes of the movie. What got me interested was the part that the main characters kissed. And so you ask what's new about a couple kissing. Well, for one they're guys. Not the overly-macho type of guys you'd normally see on gay movies but teeny-bopper looking guys. What sets apart this movie from other known gay flicks is the subplot. Again, I won't give out too much detail. All I can say is this movie is worth watching. Whether alone or with your friends.

Oh, and about her? Doing fine beyond what I've expected. 

Marks the first month of Happiness (12-30-08)

Strawberry Parfait

The title is tempting, isn't it? My favorite dessert. Makes me smile too.

I've always tried to avoid saying something at a certain point that will have me regret and experience the opposite sooner.

I've never been that expressive with feelings or anything that relates to being all sentimental and acting too sweet.

Then came this person who is my exact opposite (except for the gender).

Too sweet, too sensitive and too much great of a friend. Never in my entire 20 years have I met or even had a friend like her.

She's a gem.

This is my only way of letting the world know of how appreciative I am for knowing someone like her.

Even though people at work kind of talks about us being too close, I don't care because there is definitely nothing beyond that closeness.

I've found someone whom I can confide in and talk about things I've never managed to tell other people.

Although trusting her with everything about me will be a little difficult since I have trust issues.

You break it and it will never be fixed.

Things have been pretty hectic at work.

I'm still caught up with our badminton and volleyball tournament as well as our dance production for the Christmas Party.

Tomorrow (Monday), we'll start working on Step Up 2 production. Getting a bit excited about it because our choreographer seems to know his stuff.

Our Step Up 1 production's not that bad so hopefully the  Step Up 2 part will be better :)

Til next update.

A good thing or a bad thing

A decision has been made making Obama the new president of the United States of America. This would definitely be a history in the making. To think that an African-American senator had been elected to be the head chief of a powerful country. Now as I've mentioned way back before, I'm not really into politics, not that I'm not interested but because it just gets me all hyper and stuff just talking about it.

The only thing that caught my attention was the fact that part of Obama's platform was to discontinue outsourcing from different countries. Making sure that an american family is assured of a job anywhere in the US. Of course it's not a bad thing, this is his way of getting through the people of America, but see the thing is this kind of business has been growing and expanding all over, specially here in the Philippines. The thing is, if he's going to stop outsourcing what'll happen to us here in the Philippines who mostly rely on getting a job as a call center agent because the pay's much better than regular day job in the government (if you're not corrupt, of course). What will happen to the people who had hopes of getting promoted to a better position, who had worked hard *cough cough* to get to where they are now. What a sad thing.

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm going to be 21. Happy birthday to me.

Pain in the neck, back and everywhere else

It would either be that I'm too damn tired to talk about anything or am I just stalling.

Or could it be I put too much pressure on myself to even think that the following words/sentences are even substantial.

Dear Aftercall,

Lately I've been too annoyed and irritated. And no this ain't about a goddamn PMS.

I've been too tired. Too lazy. Too bored. Too ME. A lot of things have been going on in my mind. I can't even sleep right.

If you ask about my family, I'm really not in the mood to talk about them right now. Well, since I did bring it up I might as well say it. Right?

My good-for-nothing brother has been using the internet connection, I'VE been paying for, too much. I know it sounds as if I'm too damn selfish and too disrespectful.

But hey, I don't want to force myself into respecting and even tolerating a bum. Someone older than me who doesn't even know how to wash his own dishes nor clothes.

I admit I don't wash mine too, we have someone else to do that for us. Anyway, he doesn't have a job. Asks for material things that he thinks are easy to get. Lets everyone at school know how selfish I was for not lending him my DvD player, when in the first place he didn't ask.

Even asks my mom for money every other day to pay for gas for a car that isn't even his (lucky for him I don't have a fuckin' license) just so he can travel around with his lame-ass girlfriend who in a way started a fight with me that I don't even know where it began.

I may be coming in way too deep here, but what I'm saying is why in the world would I give someone the benefit of using hard-earned things when in fact that person's not even worth.

He is of no use to me. He may be my brother of the same mother but the blood isn't thick as how it should be.

Oh how wonderful the household would be without his dark and smelly presence.

This all started when I was left the computer on so I can finish downloading something when he arrived and he turned off the modem, thinking I was already asleep and wasn't even checking my computer.

As soon as he locked himself in his room, I came down and eventually turned off the computer and put away the modem and the other cables.

Now, there was that moment when I woke up a bit earlier and noticed the modem's being used again by that prick, I turned off and then back on the modem, so at least he'd think the line just got disconnected.

Then my mom kept insisting I fix all the cables (they went haywire), I intentionally disconnected the cables and turned everything off, leaving his laptop on.

When he woke up (late as usual), he asked in a loud voice who unplugged the cable. I didn't even bother talking to him nor admitting it was me, I was too busy cleaning my room.

And as expected, my mom (if she really is my mom) confronted me about it. I didn't rebutt or whatever, I know he'd make it look as if it was all my fault. I let it pass through my other ear.

Since then I never bothered to talk about anything at home.

Now, if you suggest that I move someplace else I don't think that would be a good idea since I am paying for the internet here so at least my cousin and our "Ate" who helps us out at home can use it for school and shit.

I'm also paying for our Cable TV connection. And I can't leave my dogs. Perhaps if I've had too much. I might go with that option. As of now, I can still pretty much handle it as what I've been doing for most of 20 years here on a planet they call Earth.

Next, would be people at work. Unexplainable and unexpected feelings for this certain person (I'd rather not say). To be asked as someone to watch over our team while

our team captain's away. Be bugged about the dance practice that seems to be so unorganized and so unprofessional with only a week left to finish everything. And about that, the people I'm supposed to perform with are the same people I was with during our Cheerdance presentation thingy.

And their idea of hip hop street dance competition is a bit too pop-jazzy modern. To mistake Tutting for Krumping? First off, I respect people who know their craft but to INSIST that one knows about different types of hip-hop I'd say you're WHACK! Not that I personally know and have performed such types, but I am familiar with them and that doesn't mean I've got the right to let people know I know so much shit about it.

Back to the competition, since we've exceeded the maximum numbers of a team they decided we should be split into two. That's actually a great idea so at least whoever wins can still share the cash prize. But to think that we haven't even finished half of an Intro, how the hell can they pull this off? Using the same steps but different music? Isn't that a bit stupid when in fact we haven't even decided yet what mix we'd be using.

I've lost interest in dancing now, it's still my passion but as of the moment I don't think I'm up for dancing. I'm just a bit concerned about some people rooting for me to join in and stuff. I guess I'll be focusing on our Holiday Party production instead. That would be kinda fun.

Add to that being pressured about the games they signed me up for. Vball, Badminton and Dodgeball. Of course all events are scheduled every after shift. So aside from getting headaches from out-of-this-world people, we'd be getting blacks and blues too.

Good thing we won our first Volleyball game, rather than losing by default. Badminton is what I'm most worried about. I know I've won in the past, that makes it more burdensome since greatness is to be expected from me.

I guess it's a good thing my partner in mixed doubles department is kind of sadistic, hurting all of our opponents with smashes. What I'm more worried about here is the female doubles department, the load's all on me.

Crimony!

I'm lovin' all the attention at work, not that I'm actually asking for it, but of course it's flattering. I feel like a celebrity. Ohhh, vanity is a sin.

How befitting is it for the rain to start pouring as how I had poured myself all out here.

Til next update.

Updates

I am so kicking my ass off the floor right now. I've been too damn lazy to even think about anything to post.

So rather than talk about how I'm finding it difficult to write anything, lemme just rant about what I've been seeing on TV nowadays.

First off:

This telenovela that's all about punchlines. I think they're gonna make this one popular just because of those somehow inadequate and out-of-place quips and puns.

Whoever wrote the script should have also added specific locations where some of the lines would definitely fit in.

Not that I'm watching it per episode, I keep hearing most of my colleagues talk about it. Yes, you are right, I am yet again annoyed.

Next is the franchised Filipino version of Bea La Fea. I would've opted for the US version, at least the building and the office didn't look anything at all fake.

Sure they've made it all colorful and stuff but it just seems that the lead dude ain't right for the part. Perhaps sticking to the exact same story line might make it too TH. If you know what I mean.

Btw, I'm gonna leave you with a couple of videos about a presentation we've been practicing on and finally presented for our GM's (General Manager) Cup Opening.

The first one would be our practice performance in progress. (You can try to find me)

Second one is our final performance, I've made some errors, but hey you're not gonna be able to see that since it's a back view only. Hehe.

The games has started. We were first up on the list for the Badminton match. Mixed doubles, women's and men's. We won the Mixed Doubles. Sad to say I goofed off too much when I subbed for the women's division. My bad.

Looking forward for the next game. I'm just somewhat concerned about my partner's principle though. See, even though he's gonna lose, at least he was able to make a mark on the opponent's body (preferrably the face). He makes one hell of a smash.

Til next update.

Lubdub

A sudden realization just hit me. I'm too self absorbed.

No wonder I don't care that much about anything other than myself.

Hohum.

To be utterly at a loss for words and stories to post.

Oh my. Something people (bloggers) would normally fear of.

Writer's block.

There's this certain event in my life that seems to keep playing over and over in my head.

A chance perhaps wasted. All the what-ifs seems to overflow my mind.

To betray a friend for the sake of love. Or to deprive myself of happiness for my friend's sake.

How I wish I could have gracefully died a martyr, but no, I had to live on and be haunted by it for the rest of my life.

Segue here:

Anyone here been involved in a love tri?

Transparent

With so much stuff going on, one can never figure out what's real and not. What's genuine and fake.

I've been the ever supportive friend. In a way, I've been too much of a sponge. But throughtout those times I've had to listen to the same stories over and over, I never once complained.

Well, not until now. I've never really asked for anything in return. As what I've always said, expectations will result to disappointments. Life is full of it.

Anyway, so this certain person offers me a listening ear. Would I want to burden her with all the drama in my life? Nah.

Getting things off my chest and pouring it all out on her won't change anything.

As you continue on reading this, you'll figure out how cynical I have become from all the things I've been through (which of course is not needed to be listed here.)

A hopeless case? Perhaps. I'm still struggling. It's difficult to be among people you think you're comfortable with but not to the extent that you can trust them fully.

I still have my guard on. I can't stand more lies.

Out the window

I have simply lost all the respect that there was supposed to be left for our ever scandalous and crackpot government.
Not that I care deeply about our country or whatever, somehow that sense of security is slowly slipping away too.
Ain't it amazing how that ZTE scandal simply vanished into thin air. Wonder if that guy got shot or something.
Oh politics, I was never really great at them.

Anywho, my desire to look for a better job has been put to a halt. Not because I love my current job ever so much but of the fact that if I'm going to resign now, I'd be missing out on our Christmas cup.
And I'm expected to be present since we're the defending champions in Badminton mixed doubles division.
This plan of taking on a diferent type of job has been postponed too many times already.
Hayy. Perhaps I won't say anything or plan anything for now, so it won't blow up on my face right away.

Oh, is anyone following the VMA's Challenge for Best Dance Crew?
Kaba Modern and Fanny Pak are the top two.
And just recently, Fanny Pak had been announced as the winner.I was soooo rooting for Kaba Modern,
though I didn't exactly find anything new on their choreo.
But I still love them. Fanny Pak may have one the war but never the battle. (Do I sound like a psycho-fanatic?)

I wasn't entirely interested in watching the most talked about show for the moment.
But then I got bored and rather than watching an hour long movie, I decided to buy a dvd copy.
And yes, I am talking about GG.A whole lot better than The OC, which has so much friggin drama. Though GG also has its oh-so dramaticans uper alcoholic moments, it comes fashionably with style.
And Chuck is the least handsome yet most interesting character among the whole cast.
Too bad Eric's gay, him and Jenny would have made a cute couple.

I'll be going out tomorrow night with my teammates. Drink til we drop. Dress to kill. I'd prefer Suit to Kill though.

Out loud

When will this bitter-sweet sensation end? All the endless pain and nerve wracking emotions must somehow come to an end. And not one single sentence will suffice what had been done.

You ask if I had been too afflicted of the events that had come to pass. Perhaps a little unexpected and greatly made an impact.

I, for one, had been hurt and is hurting still. Yet amidst all of this I am searching for something else. Something that could, once again hurt me.

I have learned so many things these past few months, although not totally everything that would make me a self-made billionaire. Reflections? I have been doing that ever since I enjoyed lurking around the city by myself.

I have learned that even though a person is alone he's not exactly a loner. And neither is a loner alone. But the contradiction comes through me. I let myself be taken for granted and have made no effort of being intimately involved with anyone (other than romantic concerns). I am not one who greatly expresses herself to anyone. But given the right moment and enough beer, then perhaps I might get a little serious.

Shelled for almost 20 years of my oh so blissful life in one city, with similar faces add to that new people from all walks of life can be pretty... boring.
This loner, yes I do admit I am one, is seeking out to a new world. Begging it to interest her in leaving the spot she's always filled and move in to the other side of the country (since that's what she can only afford).
Move away from people that has always reminded her of matters so screwed up that there's no sense on even thinking about it.

Perhaps I may be going around in circles, and that's what I'm practically good at. But a point has to come out from all of this.
I may have walls put around me, I may have been putting on capricious persona. Who hasn't? Let us not kid ourselves about the fact that in order to get through the day you'd have to not be you for people to understand you.
So in order for me to fully understand and grasp that whole meaning of being humanely sane, I have to get out of here. And get out there (pointing to a certain island on a world map)
I prefer going alone, but hey, feel free to come along. It's going to be one crazy ride.

The Soul

A lost soul had been last seen in an empty street. It was raining that night, the soul did not bring anything to make itself warm. As if losing hope of finding what had been taken from it, the soul continued on.
Going through the same alleys it had been through before.

The memories have made the soul flinch, all the supposed-to-be-forgotten memories had now come back.
The soul thought to itself not to mind the pain for it had long passed.
But then a flash of light shone through.
A black figure is now seen walking forward, as if blocking the luminous light.

"Who are you?" said the soul.

The black figure stopped, face seemed so vague.

"Who are you?" the soul repeated.

"My name is of no importance, I am here to offer you freedom from this loneliness and suffering you are going through. I will provide you everything that you need. And you shall forget about your past and move on with your life."

"Are you like God or something?"

"There is no need for you to know about my being. All this I offer, of course will come with a price."

"I'm not interested." The soul said, walking past the light.

"Salvation will always come with a price."

"I said, I'm not interested."

And so the black figure disappeared not before saying, "Very well then, I shall meet with you again soon."

It saw a diner up ahead, an empty diner.
The lady at the counter stared at the pale looking figure who seemed to be confused. It occupied the seat at the corner that looked through the glass window. It saw different figures with different glows on their chest passing by. Salvation, as what the figure had said, had been offered to it.
The risk of taking on such an unusual but tempting offer. But what is there to be afraid of?
Pain is inevitable and the soul had always survived.

Will you try to reason out to yourself?

The soul had been in a trance, as if in deep thought.
Just then, a bright yellow glow came toward it's table.
"Are you alone?"

Without looking at the figure, the soul answered "I always have..."


Just then, the alarm went off. 5:20am. I need to get ready. Off to work.