Friday, September 5, 2008

Out loud

When will this bitter-sweet sensation end? All the endless pain and nerve wracking emotions must somehow come to an end. And not one single sentence will suffice what had been done.

You ask if I had been too afflicted of the events that had come to pass. Perhaps a little unexpected and greatly made an impact.

I, for one, had been hurt and is hurting still. Yet amidst all of this I am searching for something else. Something that could, once again hurt me.

I have learned so many things these past few months, although not totally everything that would make me a self-made billionaire. Reflections? I have been doing that ever since I enjoyed lurking around the city by myself.

I have learned that even though a person is alone he's not exactly a loner. And neither is a loner alone. But the contradiction comes through me. I let myself be taken for granted and have made no effort of being intimately involved with anyone (other than romantic concerns). I am not one who greatly expresses herself to anyone. But given the right moment and enough beer, then perhaps I might get a little serious.

Shelled for almost 20 years of my oh so blissful life in one city, with similar faces add to that new people from all walks of life can be pretty... boring.

This loner, yes I do admit I am one, is seeking out to a new world. Begging it to interest her in leaving the spot she's always filled and move in to the other side of the country (since that's what she can only afford).
Move away from people that has always reminded her of matters so screwed up that there's no sense on even thinking about it.

Perhaps I may be going around in circles, and that's what I'm practically good at. But a point has to come out from all of this.

I may have walls put around me, I may have been putting on capricious persona. Who hasn't? Let us not kid ourselves about the fact that in order to get through the day you'd have to not be you for people to understand you.
So in order for me to fully understand and grasp that whole meaning of being humanely sane, I have to get out of here. And get out there (pointing to a certain island on a world map)
I prefer going alone, but hey, feel free to come along. It's going to be one crazy ride.


Ishna Probinsyana said...

wow, i wish can write like you do. You're good. About your entry, i feel the same way somehow. Like I wanted to just go and explore the world outside my world. if only i have the resources to do so! heehee

Anonymous said...