Friday, February 13, 2009


This is my shameless confession of losing faith. I am at the point of being scared.
Scared that I might stray away from my religion. I am in need of spiritual guidance.
But my being stubborn is stopping me from letting wisdom in.

A lot of people has been trying to reach out and share what they know and their experiences.
I've been invited to many fellowships. Although, I inform them up ahead that accepting their invitation won't be a sign nor a promise of commitment.
But I've never been really that comfortable dealing with people talking about God that's not in line with the Catholic Church.
At the back of my mind, I feel that people from these fellowships seem to be claiming something else.
No, I'm not stating that the Catholic Church has the only true path towards God and His Kingdom.
I'm just saying that a lot of these groups have been sprouting everywhere. So my belief is faltering.
That would also explain why I can't put my heart into prayers.

Perhaps I've been too discriminating. Perhaps I'm not as open as what I would want myself to believe.

So you ask when my faith had started to waver.
It was at a certain class. We were asked to prepare a provocative speech.
Mine was all about believing in God even though He is not physically present.
I had classmates who were very religious in that same class but they had nill on me.
I think they got too overwhelmed by the fact that I dared to challenge their own beliefs that in their defense, it failed to back up their knowledge about their religion.
Add to that I was one of the two people in class who won the challenge.
I had no intention of being serious about what I had prepare on the spot, but it dragged on til today.

As you can tell, I still acknowledge the fact that there is a higher power.
It may just be perhaps that I've watched too many movies, read too many books and heard too many incovenient truths that whatever had been taught and instilled in me, never really got through.

I find myself helpless that I can't seem to push aside another part of me insisting that I don't need to reestablish my faith in God.
I sense that something is about to go real wrong and I might be put to the test, something I could drown into. Losing myself.
That's why I want to take action. Thus the post about a call for help.



es said...

just don't let outside forces take away the kind of faith you once knew and still hold on to even know.

it's hard to prove God in every one of us because the world we live in and the people we deal with aren't perfect. no one can ever justify what GOD is unless you believe with all your mind and heart that He exists and that the air we breathe already proves enough.

just hang on because there is more to what only our naked eye can sees and believe.

take care!life is good.:)

Ishna Probinsyana said...

God and religion are very sensitive issues to discuss. Most of the times, I don't dare to comment at posts regarding these two issues because I feel that I am in no place to speak up.

We all have our own ways to show our faith in God, some goes to fellowships and the likes while some talks to Him privately. There are other ways to get you back on the right track! The fact that you still acknowledge His existence is SOMETHING, right?

Just think of the beautiful things happening around you, count every little blessings. Ionno. I'm not really good with these kind of talks/stuffs because, i, myself is not THAT religious!

I'm sure after this phase, your faith will be much much stronger! :)

blanne said...

i think it's perfectly fine that you are experiencing this one right now..

i have long questioned the existence of God. before, I was really guilty and i think that's exactly what you are feeling right now. but a very rational person like me can't help but wonder about His existence. during the early times, the early men tend to believe the existence of a higher being to be able to fathom things around them that are beyond their own understanding.

i'm not sure if it still applies to us today. all i know is, if He does exist, and He blessed you with the capability to wonder, think and be curious about everything, then you have every right to question His existence. and I don't think it's bad. it's simply a way to fully understand His nature, away from all the dogma and our crude description of Him. after all, we are prone to illusions, and such limitation may have distanced us away from the truth, whatever it may be. :)

Janine said...

Hi. I've been to wherever you are right now. In that blurry confused state of what and what not to believe in. I've been searching for that ONE religion that can support my beliefs and guide me towards the right path. There is no ONE TRUE RELIGION. Religion is that one thing that keeps us bound and restricted. Faith is not something that restricts us. Faith is supposed to be THAT ONE THING that can bring us to everlasting happiness or to what the Buddhists call "Nirvana" or the Christian/Catholic's "Heaven".

I am a Roman Catholic - on paper. There are some ideals that I believe in or paths of the Christian faith that I follow. But I do not restrict myself to this certain religion. In other words, I am a floating soul. HAHA. Floating, but floating towards the light or the truth or to that inner peace which every spiritual being wants to achieve.

Sorry ang haba. HAHA. I just dropped by your site, saw it in Teentalk's Blog Review. =)

Janine said...


Don't let other people drag you into being part of this and that religion. It's not about the religion. It's about what's within that religion that makes you a better person - spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Just trust your instincts. Don't rush. You'll find the way. Trust me. =)

lunes said...

it doesn't matter from what religion your keeping, as long as you're serving your needy brothers and sisters... and that's love!

i'm back to blogging and booming.wehehe..

bitchvarsity said...

faith is a personal relationship with God (or any other transcendent being). it should be free from pressures and expectations. =)

Louie said...

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. Matthew 5:8

tina said...

its your relationship with the POWER greater than us.. that matters.

there are many ways (beliefs/religion) to the mountain top. there is no ONE WAY. there are many ways. :)

our journey will always lead us back to LOVE.. because there is no other destination but that.. - i have finally come to that.

but in the end... just listen to your heart avs. you'll find your answer.